First Things about Getting Married
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1. Your church should be one of the first to know!
Engaged couples seeking to enter marriage should contact the parish at least nine months prior to the “intended” date of a possible wedding. Wedding receptions should not be booked, even provisionally, before contacting the Church. Your personal preparation for a life-time commitment and the time needed by the Church to be assured of your readiness for this Holy Event can not be rushed or hurried. Because the priest is the custodian and protector of the sacred, a wedding date is agreed upon only when he has assurance that you are clearly committed to the preparation process expected by the Church and worthy of her members.
The couple will have ample time to appreciate and fulfill both the Local Church’s prerequisites for good preparation as well as appreciating having their marriage celebrated in a manner and understanding faithful to the definition of marriage given to us by Jesus and preserved and safeguarded through the centuries by the Holy Church founded by Him.
2. Know what a “Sacrament” is first.
Religious groups as well as civil authorities do not necessarily define or identify marriage by any one standard. Although the County issues a marriage license to parties getting married, the State acknowledges the right of religious organizations to define marriage according to their particular creed.
Definition of Marriage: "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament." (Catechism of the Catholic Church)
The Catholic Church recognizes seven unique ways Jesus communicates His live and love into our souls in a very personal and intimate level. We call these “sacred moments” “Sacraments”. Holy Matrimony is one of these Sacraments.
Sacraments are never on our own terms or of our own making. They are, instead, gifts from God. Although given freely by God, how effective a sacrament is in our life depends on our ability and willingness to cooperate with the pattern of life God wants of us so that we may reach heaven.
3. The Catholic Church’s role
The Church’s role, in this regard, is to point her members towards an authentic, credible and faithful understanding of the nature and effect of the Sacrament of Marriage.
4. Can a Catholic be married in a courtroom, registry office or before a justice of the peace?
Catholics are not to be married in this way as the Church does not recognize the authority of the State to dictate the standards of marriage for Catholics. When a Catholic marries in a civil ceremony they, in effect, ignore the Church’s God-given responsibility, instead allowing the State to be the sole voice in defining the marriage relationship. When this happens, the Catholic party to a civilly defined marriage has placed themselves outside the Church’s influence and put themselves as a distance from the teachings of Our Lord regarding marriage.
5. Why civilly married Catholics cannot receive Holy Communion at Mass
Holy Communion at Mass is a public statement that one believes and accepts the Catholic Faith and how the Holy Church defines and understands the Sacraments (including the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony). A Catholic who has allowed the State to solely define their marriage cannot receive Holy Communion until their marriage has been recognized by their Church. Catholics who find themselves in this awkward situation should examine their reasons they married outside of the Church. They should approach the pastor and find out ways their present marriage can be re-defined to the status of a “holy sacrament” thus allowing them access to the other sacraments of the Church, in particular Holy Communion.
6. What if a Catholic gets married in front of a non-Catholic religious minister?
Most non-Catholic religious groups do not define marriage according to a sacramental model as the Catholic Church does. Although many religious groups will hold their members to a high standard in marriage, the Catholic Church naturally presumes that there would be no good reason why a baptized Catholic would not want to avail themselves of the richness of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony articulated by their own Church.
(There are rare circumstances when the Catholic Church can give approval for a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic before a non-Catholic religious minister. Approval is often given out of respect for the faith and conscience of the non-Catholic, and never out of convenience, and only after the Catholic party has been properly prepared and given assurance that their Catholic Faith and responsibilities will not be compromised.)
When a Catholic marries in a non-Catholic religious ceremony without a mandate from the Catholic Church, they, in effect, ignore the Church’s God-given responsibility and role, and instead allow the non-catholic denomination to be the sole voice in defining the marriage relationship. What are the consequences?
Because receiving Holy Communion at Mass is a public statement that one believes and accepts the Catholic Faith and how the Holy Church defines and understands the Sacraments (including the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony), a Catholic who has allowed a non-catholic denomination (along with the State) to solely define their marriage cannot receive Holy Communion until their marriage has been recognized by the Church. Catholics who find themselves in this awkward situation should examine their reasons they married outside of their own Church. They should approach the pastor and find out ways their present marriage can be re-defined to the status of a “holy sacrament” thus allowing them access to the other sacraments of the Church, in particular Holy Communion.
7. Living together before Marriage?
God’s Commandments forbid this as it involves the serious sin of fornication. Living together and sharing one’s bed before marriage is a classic case of human immaturity, disrespect and bad judgment. It calls into question whether individuals possess the mental, emotional and spiritual readiness to enter a valid and sacramental union.
Marriage is a permanent commitment and so it makes sense that a husband and wife live together and share the same bed. An unmarried couple, even if engaged, has not yet made a promise for life, and it is not honest for them to “practice marriage” with each other. It will only cause confusion and heartache, regardless of the end result of their relationship.
Too often, living together is founded upon convenience or financial incentives. A relationship founded upon these premises not only begins on the wrong footing, but easily continues into a married life as there is seldom any real change in lifestyle or living patterns. Children, conceived and born from these relationships, although loved beyond all telling, are naturally shortchanged from learning from their parents the true virtues of marriage, the role of husband and wife and an appreciation of permanent commitments. Statistics clearly show an unsettleing trend that the majority of all couples living together before marriage will be divorced.
8. Again, how is marriage defined?
Definition of Marriage: "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament." (Catechism of the Catholic Church)