There are no words that can fully capture the loss and the pain family and friends must endure when a loved one dies. Christian faith is rooted in Christ’s victory over the finality of death. A funeral service attempts, through prayer and public ritual, to express gratitude for the gift of life, petition for God's mercy and our faith that, through Christ, those who have died will rise from death to see Him face to face.
Although there are often costs involved, to help families to afford their loved ones a dignified funeral, the Church never wishes to burden her family members during their necessary time of grief and mourning. To that end, the parish tries to maintain good relationships with local funeral homes and cemeteries.
The following steps can be taken to minimize any burdens or confusion during this time of grief and emotional upset.
1. BE ALERT
Always try to visit a funeral director when you are mentally alert and able to make important financial decisions objectively. It is helpful to have, not only other family members with you but also a friend or neighbor who can help you clarify the decisions you need to make. If needed, the parish can suggest funeral homes we have a good working relationship with.
2. SCHEDULING
A funeral service date should not be made without first inquiring about the availability of a church and/or the availability of local clergy.
3. KNOW YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS
According to the Federal Trade Commission: "You have the right to choose only the funeral goods and services you want." The funeral home may not refuse, or charge a fee, to handle a casket you bought elsewhere. For example, many Catholics have purchased caskets made in monasteries such as New Mellary Abbey who can deliver them overnight if necessary. The funeral home must provide you with a general price list. If state or local law requires you to buy any particular item, the funeral home must disclose it on the price list, with a reference to the specific law.
4. VENUE AND BURIAL
A funeral service is typically offered at the church or at the funeral home chapel. There are currently two Catholic cemeteries in the region, San Luis Rey Mission and Holy Cross Cemetery in central San Diego. You are not obliged to use any funeral home even if they also oversee the cemetery which you anticipate using. If a burial is anticipated outside of Oceanside, we can help, if necessary, to find a Catholic clergyman to assist at the graveside service.
5. CREMATION & BURIAL
If cremation services are to be expected, a funeral service at the church can be scheduled when a proper interment place of the urn has been secured. This is in line with our Catholic and Christian faith in Christ’s own example of humbly submitting himself to the grave in anticipation of his own resurrection and of all who have died. If there will be a delay in transporting an urn from the church to its final resting place, the church can provide a secure place of temporary storage.
6. WHAT TYPE OF SERVICE? "Celebration of Life" or a "Funeral"
This section is best reflected on and/or discussed with loved ones when the feelings of grief or the expected emotions naturally associated with grief are not too severe.
We often hear of "Celebration of Life" services, the focus of which is naturally centered on the cherished memories of your loved one's past life, achievements, and relationships. In the past, this was what we called the traditional Wake, when eulogies and stories about the deceased were most appropriately shared.
In Catholic practice, a personal and family celebration of life or a Wake or Vigil Service was always in anticipation of a funeral service to follow. The ideal setting for this takes place is in an intimate setting such as a home, gathering place or the funeral home chapel.
During a funeral which would either follow a vigil or stand alone, the Church's ritual and pattern of prayer will often point to letting go, praying for the soul's safe passage, purification from earthly attachments and hope of eternal life with the angels and saints of Heaven. To maintain this spiritual focus, looking forward in the direction of God and Heaven, personal eulogies are best given beforehand, during a Vigil Service or at a reception after a Funeral Mass.
There are two options for a Catholic funeral in the church.
A: A funeral based on the pattern of a familiar Sunday Mass, where most of those attending are observant Catholics. Because of the presence of guests and visitors and to avoid confusion or embarrassment, non-practicing Catholics or members of other denominations do not come forward to the altar for Holy Communion.
B: A funeral liturgy outside of Mass thus without Holy Communion. This option helps families navigate through unpredictable circumstances especially when family members or guests do not, even if they were baptized Catholic, regularly now attend Sunday Mass. A Funeral without Holy Communion can also be offered by the parish clergy at the funeral home chapel if requested.
7. ALLOWING THE CHURCH TO SHOULDER THE WEIGHT
Our long experience has provided us with a ready tried and tested funeral format that respects the dignity of the deceased in the best tradition of Catholic ritual prayer. Because they have already been trained and commissioned to do so, we only use our own cantors for singing during the service. Because families are naturally often coping with their own grief or unpredictable emotions and can find themselves overwhelmed with so much decision-making, the parish uses its own selection of hymns and Scriptural readings it knows works best in our unique setting and familiar to our readers and cantors.
8. GRAVESIDE SERVICE
When circumstances anticipate only a local graveside service, the parish clergy is available to provide the necessary prayers of blessing and Christian burial.